Nya! · 47 days ago
I am in the weirdest fucking mood today.
It’s like Christmas morning, or Fanime morning, or .. something.
I had a hard time sleeping last night. Actually, at first I didn’t. It was the phone call at midnight that woke me up and although it was a very short call, it was jarring enough, i guess, that I was suddenly restless. I didn’t fall back to sleep for an hour. Then I was awake at 6:30. Fucking wide awake.
I picked up my laptop and did some OtakuNet maintenance. Until 8am. At which point I had to run around getting all my shit together for the Friday/Saturday thing, cuz normally I leave at 7:50 for work.
I made it to work at 8:45. w00t.
I’m running around getting all this stuff taken care of, and I’m hyped and in a great mood. I call a vendor so we can steal the remaining 20 pieces of stock she has of an item. I give her the purchase order. “10401” – I start laughing. “It’s a palindrome!” … she didn’t get it. She more-or-less ignored me and continued taking the order.
Well, I thought it was funny.
Still do. =)
I am SO going to wear my cat ears and collar to dance class tonight.
— Beta
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Lately... · 48 days ago
Lately I’ve been spending way too much of my private time thinking about a bullet hitting me in the back of the head.
It’s not like I want to die, I’ve just been stressed and depressed and I’m spending way too much time desiring it to all suddenly stop.
The biggest stressor is school, followed by Peter, followed by work.
Peter’s under so much of his own stress that most of the time I’m around him I end up listening to him stress out while I try to keep him stable. I leave his presence feeling drained.
And then, today, I disappointed him. And that’s…
That just makes me sad.
So while I listen to lectures, or stare at the screen doing data-entry, I can’t help but think about a bullet just deciding to hit me in the back of the head and exit through my forehead.
I’m feeling almost bipolar lately, as well. I know it’s mostly outside influence, I’m not that unstable. I’ve just been having some good stuff go on lately and even amongst all the stress I’m trying so hard to make it work for me and be happy.
But…
I’m still sketching this little person falling forward with blood coming out both sides of her head.
— Beta
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Small Update · 181 days ago
For the one or two of you out there that care…
My “new” interest is no longer of much interest. He turned me down. Very nicely, actually. He is quite the gentleman. I still like him, but I was happy to finally release the tension. I was mildly disappointed but really not upset. I didn’t really expect much anyway. Now I still have to try to get him “into the fold.” He is wanted in the anime club =)
Next update… Fanime is TOMORROW….
It hit me Tuesday night about 8pm how close it is. I only have about 5 hours of prep-time between now and when I leave for Fanime. 7 hours of work, 5 hours of final prep (final packing/cleaning out car/shopping/etc), 5 hours of sleep, 5 hours of driving, 4 days of fanime…..
w00t.
What happens when you drink an energy drink and take Dramamine at the same time?
I guess we’ll find out tomorrow morning.
I expect it will be sort of like Narcolepsy as I see it. I’ll be wide awake when I’m moving, but when I sit still I’ll just fall asleep. No tiredness, just relatively random sleep.
— Beta
Power. · 206 days ago
It’s all about power.
Who’s got the power. Who doesn’t.
Do you have the power? Who do you give the power to?
I’m attracted to it in general. A man with confidence. With power all of his own.
It’s more than that. It’s not only the power, but how he uses it.
And the new interest… I’m 87% sure he’s vanilla, but he has some serious potential. He has power.
— Beta
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Handcuffs · 213 days ago
I miss my handcuffs.
I wanted to order more, but they’re out of stock EVERYWHERE. cries
So.. I’ve got this new interest. I haven’t quite let him in on the fact that I’m a pervert, yet. I was hoping to have those with me…
I just hope when I fully clue him in he doesn’t just run.
I think he knows that Peter is my BF, and I don’t think he knows how interested in him I really am.
The fun part of all this is how Peter reacts when I get a new interest. He gives me all sorts of advice. I had to make him PROMISE not to force this to move faster than it goes naturally (like he did last time). He seems more anxious than I personally am.
I was on the phone with him last week and I don’t remember the exact conversation but my exact words were “You’re the boyfriend. You’re not supposed to be helping me pick up guys!”
And I have this awesome confidence, that no matter how the new interest turns out, Peter will be backing me up the whole way.
So I can pursue, and maybe it goes nowhere, and maybe it goes somewhere… Either way, I have the one who loves me, whom I love.
sigh I should SO do something for him.. something big… or maybe a lot of small things. I just feel like I don’t show him enough how much I do appreciate and notice the things he does.
Hm.. Bathtub full of Jell-o?
.. amusing, but I don’t think he’d be too into it. =)
— Beta
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